vermi11ion post 5

My use of vermillion is bold yet the textures are subtle. I want each painting to have a textural ‘feel’ to it. Hopefully one might make you imagine velvet or rough pavement. This particular video shows me using lace as textural element. I like to imagine the lace on the table of an elderly mother.

I have gone back and forth about sharing about my mental health. Most people who experience a trauma such as a homocide to a loved one, will suffer from some form of mental illness. PTSD was the worst at first. Then the anxiety became almost intolerable. Then came the bouts of depression. I always recognized the depression and knew that I would come back out of it. I rode those waves for a couple of years. Then I went into a depression and couldn’t pull out of it. I tried all of the tools that had worked in the past but nothing was working and I began getting scared. I had a serious talk with my doctor and completely changed up my antidpressents. It was rough. You know the saying “It will get worse before it gets better”. Yeah. I am finally out of that deep hole. But I move forward with caution because each notification of Fawn’s killer getting moved to another prison throws me off and sends me back down the hole. Then you get the calls with the word appeal in it and it scares you back down into the hole because sometimes that is the safest place. I was able to pull myself back out after just a day this time. To anyone out there suffering from anything similar, I hope this somehow reaches you and you feel not so alone.